Heartland Spa
Change is central to life. No moment in time is like any other. Even our body, which appears solid and stable, is really in a constant state of flux. Yet ironically many of our unhealthy or addictive behaviors seem to be resistant to change. Witness the number of New Year’s resolutions about losing weight, exercising, or quitting smoking that fade by the end of January. Nothing is more frustrating than losing this year’s battle of the bulge or paying for another unused health club membership. Nothing, that is, except your friends and family constantly admonishing you to “Just do it!” or “Just stop doing it!”

Changing behavior permanently, especially when serious addictions are involved, is a challenging endeavor that take strong commitment and hard work. Chronic failure to change can ruin careers and relationships, damage self-esteem, erode moral integrity, destroy physical health and even lead to premature death. Even with so much at stake, it is still difficult to make lifesaving changes. The following strategies for successful change can help to eliminate self-defeating behaviors.

• True desire: Wanting something enough to be willing to face the fears you have about achieving it.

• Strong belief: Having the confidence to believe that you can have what you want.
  Knowledge: Understanding the legitimate means by which you can accomplish what you want.

• A plan for change: Identifying the specific methods and techniques for achieving your desired results.

• Setbacks/relapses: Realizing that the path of change is not typically a straight road. Letting go of guilt or self-recrimination if you make a few detours, and get back on track quickly.

• Willingness to work for change: Many people wish they could lose 20 pounds, but few are willing to work for it.

In a recent book, Changing for Good, James Prochaska and colleagues present an innovative, six stage approach to negotiating the complicated process of change:

1. Precontemplation is characterized by a state of denial in which you don’t or won’t even see the problem, let alone the solution. Everyone else sees it and nags you about it. But you only want to stop the nagging, not deal with the problem. You may be so overwhelmed by its enormity that you try to place the blame elsewhere, and refuse to take any responsibility for it. To move on, you need to be willing to acknowledge and “own” the problem, and seek out all potential sources of help.

2. Contemplation can easily become chronic contemplation. You not only own the problem, you constantly think about it, talk about it and even dream about it! But you are unable to take action because you are waiting for the “perfect time,” free of risk or pain. You may substitute worrying for working and thinking for action. When you finally realize that the risk of staying where you are is greater than the risk of moving on, you begin to focus on the solution instead of the problem, and to think about the future more than the past.

3. Preparation is a brief but essential phase. You prepare to make changing your problem behavior your highest priority, and develop and plan of action. You clear the decks, adjust your schedule and get supportive people and systems in place. You are no longer procrastinating. You are setting the scene for the drama of action to unfold.

4. Action is where you actually make the move for which you have been preparing. You may quit smoking, drinking, overeating, or being a couch potato. You leave a job, end a relationship, enter a drug rehab program or go back to school. It requires the greatest commitment of time and energy. It is the most visible time of change and received the greatest recognition. It takes a lot of commitment to get this far, and a lot more to sustain new behaviors until they become lasting habits.

5. Maintenance is working to consolidate your gains and struggling to prevent relapse. It can last as long as six months to a lifetime. Vigilance is needed, and over-confidence is to be avoided. It is essential to practice environmental control avoid temptation, and cultivate helping relationships. Create a new lifestyle in which the old unhealthy behavior no longer has a place.

6. Termination is the sixth and most prized stage, in which your old habit is dead and gone, and will never rear its head, even in the most stressful situation. You have achieved your ultimate goal and won your struggle. Some habits may reach termination, while others require lifetime maintenance. You need the wisdom to know the difference. There are former smokers who will never light up again and others who haven’t had a cigarette in years, but still crave them.

Although you may never be totally problem free, these valuable insights can help you reduce the occurrence of self-defeating behaviors while creating a happier, healthier you.