Canyon Ranch (Massachusetts)

Nothing feels more reassuring than being in control - but when times are uncertain, stress strikes and anxiety moves in, all packed for a long stay.

Don't give anxiety house-room. When allowed free rein, stressful times can affect your health, sleep, relationships and ability to focus.

There are certain things we simply can't control. We have approximately 60,000 thoughts each day. However, just because a negative thought pops into your head, it doesn't mean you have to respond to it. Simply take a glance, then move on to a different topic - or think of three positive angles to the negative thought that's trying to present itself.

Stash your worries
How many hats do you wear? Parent, child, spouse, employee, caregiver - the responsibilities can be overwhelming. Think of your identities as drawers in a bureau. Pull open each drawer, give it some time and energy and then close it again. Often the thing getting you down is just one area of your life. Open your other drawers and remind yourself that you're also a good friend, co-worker, exerciser or spiritual person. Invest time and energy in these identities too. When you spread your attention to all the areas of your life, a bad parenting decision or one mistake at work needn't mean a bad day. Just close that drawer firmly and select another.

Focus on your past successes and your strengths, rather than your failures, weaknesses or the unknown. Your "bureau" is full of successes, big and small - and chances are they far outnumber the negatives.

Think positively
At vulnerable times, it's easy to retreat to old patterns of behavior, from irritability to unhealthy eating habits. Steer clear of "toxic" or negative-minded people, and get the support you need. Talk about how you feel, keep a journal, write a letter (remember those?) and associate with people who have healthy, positive attitudes.

People close to you may be stressed too. Opposites attract, and in good times your traits and your spouse's complement each other - your need to plan and your mate's spontaneity can meet in a comfortable middle ground - but in times of stress, you may bump heads. Uncertainty can fray tempers. Recognize and deflect conflict that arises from stress. Take a walk together, savor a meal or play music you both enjoy.

Remember, transitions are by nature temporary, but they take time to get through. Avoid making big decisions during these times, and keep yourself healthy by exercising, eating well and actively seeking support.

Breathe
It's physiologically impossible to be anxious and relaxed at the same time. Practice breathing in to a count of four or five and out to the count of six. Reach out with your senses. Notice textures, scents, the temperature in the room, and the sounds around you. You'll achieve a more relaxed state and feel better able to deal with whatever comes your way, applying your energy to things you can control instead of allowing stress to gain the upper hand.

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