The Kerr House
Dear Friends, when we are challenged by angry or disagreeable people, we must remember that those people are unhappy and unfulfilled. That doesn’t mean that we need to accept their behavior, but it is easier to handle if we have some understanding and empathy. All too frequently we take on their mood and throw our own happiness out the window. We let them govern us. One important way to cope with these people is to be honest and say what we are feeling. We can try expressing our feelings before they smolder into spontaneous combustion. Try responding with, “It really upsets me when you are so sarcastic” or “Sometimes I dread coming to work (home) because I know you’ll greet me with a list of commands or tell me what I’ve done wrong.” Whatever you need to say can be expressed in a calm voice. And be prepared and open to hear what you do that annoys them as well. Ask. That’ s fair and necessary; that’s communication.
How often have we given a soft response, a kind word, even a compliment to an angry person and had them melt before our eyes? We can’t know what has caused their mood and maybe it’s none of our business. Maybe they’re grieving, have been abused, are experiencing a deep-seated fear of some sort how can we know? Their anger may be a defense of some sort; their protective barrier against the offense. We don’t need to carry the burden for them, for only they can lighten the load – when they’re ready. Our business is how we let them affect us.
Sometimes, if people we are around a lot are consistently moody or sarcastic, we can pretend they have a spur in their shoe, or their undies are too tight, so that we can accept and understand their impatience. We can have empathy that they don’t enjoy life more, but understand that we can’t change them. We can accept them as they are – for our sake. Rather than handing our happiness over to them, we can allow them the privilege of behaving as they want to, and accept the challenge of maintaining our own good humor. We don’t need to take it personally. Instead of accepting them as a mirror of us, we can be a mirror to them. We can look them kindly in the eye and mentally wish them the best. We can smile to ourselves and maintain our own harmony.
