Canyon Ranch Health Resorts
From the sandbox to retirement days, friends hold a special place in our hearts. Their value goes beyond greeting-card sentiments or having somebody to go to the movies with - friends enhance health, spirit and quality of life in both the measurable and wonderfully immeasurable ways.

Ann Pardo, M.S., says that real friendships are the closest thing to having unconditional love in our lives. "Friendships are not based on family genes, sexual attraction or sense of obligation," she says. "Real friendships are always mutual and a matter of choice."

Being the real you
Pardo notes that friendship allows the freedom to be the authentic you. It's about feeling accepted and appreciated.

"Friendship is not like dating, when you're concerned about how you look and every word you say," Pardo says. "It's also not like family bonds, with all those dynamics and responsibilities. And it doesn't resemble the workplace, where judgment and competition are at play. Friendship doesn't 'pay' - it is its own reward."

Friends are usually the closest reflection of our values, Pardo observes. What we see in them are the qualities we feel comfortable with.

"Your friends define a small, compatible community," she says. "You can't control the craziness of the world at large, so the people you spend leisure time with represent your comfort zone."

Friendships usually increase in value over time, too. Friends are together for the landmark celebrations as well as the tough times, freely providing support and loyalty

"You can relax with friends, confide your deepest thoughts," says Pardo. "That's why conversations with friends feel therapeutic. You can reveal yourself in safety. Friends are welcome when your house is a mess and you're still in your PJs."

Friendly facts
The obvious joys of friendship translate into quantifiable health benefits, too. The relaxation and fun help reduce cortisol levels (stress) and increase immunoglobin A, which fight several diseases. Pardo cites a Florida study in which hospital patients' blood was tested after visits with friends and family.

The patients who had visits from friends showed increased immunity levels, she says. "Even people with strong and loving support from family or partners get something extra out of friendship. I think of them as vitamins, essential for fulfilling the complete set of human needs."

Faces of friendship
Friendships differ with age, experience and needs. Often friendships are born out of convenience. People with young children, for example, may become friends with the parents of their children's friends. Office mates meet outside or work. College roommates become close friends. Some of these friendships will be lost or set aside when that stage ends. The most meaningful relationships can be sustained through all stages of life - or can be picked up again later.

"I encourage people to re-contact the friend who meant the most to them," says Pardo. "Sometimes time passes and you feel funny about calling. But think how happy you'd be if that person called you. Look at what you both have to gain."

Pardo also notes that what looks like friendship to one person may not be the same for another. Some people need constant phone calls, some need occasional dinners, others might renew their friendship each year on a camping trip. And, of course, men and women may approach friendship differently.

"Male friendships often revolve around doing something together, like a sport or hobby," Pardo says. "Women friends tend to converse more, talking about everything that matters to them. Neither friendship is 'better,' and friendships between men and women often combine all the elements. The point is, every friendship is valuable."

Especially in tumultuous times, when the world might feel dangerous and unpredictable, friends are a lifeline to the comfort and joy. Pardo suggests you make sure your friends are on your regular schedule.

"Put your friends on your calendar. Bump something bump-able, if you have to," she says, "or set aside time for a catch-up phone call. Just make the effort and see how much you get in return."

Friendly tips for keeping in touch
Busy? Who isn't? Friends love to hear from you and vice versa:

Reach out. If you've neglected this part of your life, make the effort now. Acknowledge the people you admire and invite them into your life. How about lunch?

Reach back. What happened to your best friend from back when? Even if you've lost track, think about someone else who might know. For that matter, your computer might help you in the search.

Team up. When your schedules don't match, get creative. If you take a daily walk, ask a friend to join you. If your best friend works in the garden on Saturdays, volunteer to help next week.

Maintain your "conscious family." The people you ritualize with - for holidays and special occasions - are your family of choice. This can include your relations and anyone you feel that connection with. Many people don't live anywhere near other family, so acknowledging the "conscious family" is a beautiful addition to life.

Phone, visit, write, e-mail. So many ways, so many feeble excuses.